What better way to generate interest than with a dispassionate list? somestuffthathappened spent the last few days shuttling between home and Llandudno, North Wales. Here is a list of things he observed, experienced or otherwise encountered:
1. “If you don’t behave, no sweets or doner meat for you”.
On a Merseyrail service chugging its way up the Wirral Line, a mother struggles (loudly) to get her young daughter to behave. It should be said that the daughter was doing little more than failing to sit still. To somestuffthathappened‘s astonishment, the mother proceeds to issue the above warning. The sweets bit is forgivable. Parents have been bribing their kids through sugar since time immemorial. If sweets aren’t a part of your childhood, it’s not a childhood.
But it’s no surprise that we’re wrestling with a obesity rate among children that’s as high as it is if we’re now throwing doner meat into the mix. Perhaps this was an isolated incident. If so, you still have to wonder about the mentality of someone who would blurt out in front of a carriagefull of train passengers that doner meat is a useful inducement to good behaviour in her book.
2. “Muuuummm? Can I have a bottle of water when we get to Rhyl?” (Repeat ad nauseum)
In the light of no.1, there’s something positively joyous about this. Here we have a clearly thirsty child desperate not for Coke or Pepsi or Dr. Pepper or any other form of sugary fizz-juice, but for a simple bottle of water. It’s a far cry from needing doner meat in order to behave yourself.
Still, it would be nice of Mum to reply, in the affirmative or otherwise, just so those of us who don’t necessarily think children are as adorable as others do don’t have to hear the same question over and over again.
I hope the kid got his bottle of water. Because if not, he’s left without the one thing he wants the most… and he’s in Rhyl.
3. Position: Closed
Pop down to Gorsaf Llandudno (that’s Llandudno Station to the small number of us who don’t speak Welsh) at 2pm and you can buy a ticket no problem. But, in their infinite wisdom, Arriva Trains Wales see fit to close the ticket office by 5pm, when you might expect something of a rush. Buying on the train would be fine if the ticket inspector didn’t have a full train to get round, in between manning the doors.
That’s the thing with trains in the UK – you pay some of the highest fares in the Western world for a service that would embarrass countries in Eastern Europe with a still-developing rail infrastructure. And apparently fares are going to have to keep rising.
By the time somestuffthathappened changed in Chester, he had his ticket. But only just. And it’s a good job because he would have been arrested and disappeared by the guards in Liverpool once he got to Merseyrail’s barriers.
4. Under Attack
Llandudno has the fattest, meanest, most brazen seagulls that somestuffthathappened has ever encountered. Most of the time, it’s not a problem. But don’t even think about enjoying a sandwich on the beautiful seafront. Oh no. Poor somestuffthathappened was almost scalped by ravenous, divebombing seabirds, apparently in a daring raid to steal his frankly sub-par Greggs chicken, sweetcure bacon and mayonnaise butty. Escaping to the presumed safety of the main shopping street offered no protection from a follow up attack that forced him back to the office to polish off his Walker’s Squares.
5. “You’re fit”
somestuffthathappened is homely-looking at best. Compliments are but rare and fleeting. Yet, while innocently and rather vacantly munching his way through a McDonald’s Quarterpounder with Cheese, he was informed by a girl of about 14 that he was “fit”. Perhaps in the fast food outlets of North Wales, somestuffthathappened is the teenage girl’s bit of crumpet. Perhaps it was some kind of dare. Either way, it’s a first. And probably a last.
In all seriousness, Llandudno and the surrounding area is stunningly beautiful and worth a visit. If you can put up with the overwhelming preponderance of people in their 90s who’ve either retired there or are on what must be their last ever holiday, it’s hard to imagine wanting to be anywhere else. And if that sounds horribly disrespectful, see if you feel the same after four days of being barged into, sworn at and insulted by the insufferable old codgers.
MJK
somestuffthathappened 